New Element

The recent hurricanes and skyrocketing oil and
gasoline prices helped to prove the existence of a new
element. In early October 2005, a major research
institution announced the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element has been
named "Governmentium."

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by forces called 'morons'
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles called 'peons.' Since Gv has no electrons,
it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to
take over four days to complete, when it would
normally take less than a second!

Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not
decay; but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become
neutrons, forming 'isodopes'. This characteristic of
moron promotion leads most scientists to believe that
Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as 'Critical Morass.'

When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes "Administratium'
(Am) - an element which radiates just as much energy
as Gv, since it has half as many peons but twice as
many morons.

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